Tracey treats her trauma by trotting on the trail and treadmill. (Now say that 3x fast)

“Eff you.” I mutter vehemently under my breath as I push through my run on the treadmill. Actually screaming it out loud might feel cathartic, but with the persistent noise my treadmill makes, I’m already toeing the line with my downstairs neighbor. I’m hoping they mistake it for the rumble of a washing machine. (I’ve heard cleanliness is akin to godliness in some cultures, so maybe they’ll forgive the noise under the guise of tidying up.)

Sure, I’d like to claim my exercise regimen is solely for health reasons, but that’s only about 80% true. The reality is, I feel uncomfortable with how the added weight feels on my body.

It’s reminiscent of Bridget from ‘The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,’ when her weight gain became a physical manifestation of her inner trauma. Ann Brashares described it as not excessive, but rather sitting atop her body, almost rejected by it. That’s exactly how I feel right now. Yet here I am, summoning every ounce of discipline to not abandon myself, despite the overwhelming urge to do so.

This isn’t the first time weight gain has caught me off guard. The first was in high school when I contracted mono, the second during a traumatic incident in university, the third following an event I’m not ready to confront yet, and now, after a divorce, selling my businesses, and leaving a job I held for 13 years.

The weight gain and anxiety is understandable when you consider Bessel van der Kolk’s words about the effects of trauma on the human body and mind in The Body Keeps the Score. Drawing from decades of clinical experience and research, van der Kolk delves into the intricate ways in which traumatic experiences can become deeply embedded in the brain, affecting everything from emotional regulation to physical health.

Weight gain, migraines, sleeplessness, anxiety—some of these symptoms may be from trauma that we haven’t properly dealt with.

In her book, How To Be The Love You Seek, Dr. Nicole LePera explains that we can’t truly heal our relationships and evolve as human beings until our body feels both physically and emotionally safe. “If you’re chronically dehydrated, sleep deprived, malnourished, or have other unmet physical needs, you won’t have the energy or ability to work on yourself or your relationships.”

Navigating through the complexities of life, I’ve found myself lacking the resilience and resources to nurture my most significant relationship. I won’t lie to you, healing from my most recent trauma seems impossible. Yet, despite the daunting task of self-forgiveness, I am determined to at least try stepping onto the trail to healing. Whether you’re grappling with grief, heartache, fatigue, disillusionment, trauma, or simply feeling out of sorts, let us join hands and traverse this path together. Our journey begins with prioritizing the well-being of our physical selves, laying the foundation for holistic healing and restoration. Let’s step onto the path (or treadmill) today.

TIP 1 PRE-SELECT ENTERTAINMENT

Choosing enjoyable entertainment, whether it’s podcasts, music, or movies, prior to hopping onto the treadmill or hitting the trail can effectively dismantle the barrier of monotony, making the exercise experience more engaging and enticing. By selecting something that resonates with personal interests and preferences, such as a favorite podcast series or uplifting playlist, the workout transforms into a self-care treat, enticing you to linger longer on the treadmill or trail. This intentional act of self-care not only enhances the enjoyment of the physical activity but also fosters a sense of fulfillment and well-being, making exercise a pleasurable and sustainable part of one’s routine. Click here for some ideas.

I know these trail or treadmill exercises won’t fully heal your body from the trauma that it is holding on to but it is a step in the right direction. Every time we lace up our sneakers, we tell ourselves we are loved.

Good luck on your journey! I’m here if you need anything.

– your feel better friend